This is probably old news by now, so I won’t go into details. Seriously, if you haven’t heard about this new LAW, that means that you need to stop watching trash fucking TV and listen to the news once in a while.
This law got me thinking… talking on the cell and driving has been a staple of our go-go culture for a long time. Judging from the growing number of fat-ass Americans still waddling around despite all the verified health dangers of obesity, human habits are hard to change. So, what will be some of the social repercussions of this law?
First of all, I bet many motorists will need something to do with their hands when driving (besides the obvious texting). If you are one of those motorists that feels that you just HAVE to do something with one hand while driving (instead of, y’know, keeping your hands ON THE FUCKING WHEEL), here are some suggestions for you:
Let one arm hang outside the window, like many fat-asses do (because their lazy bodies are too large to fit INSIDE the car completely)… and hope that another car does not come too close and SHEAR your arm right off
Flip off other motorists
Flip off your passengers, for absolutely no reason whatsoever
Jerk off
Jerk your front passenger off. This might be somewhat inappropriate if you’re riding with your boss (but if you’re a female newscaster, it’s completely acceptable so that you can get that promotion)
Air-drum to your favorite rock-n-roll song
I am sure you can think of other uses for your hands, you A.D.D.-having retard
Ok enough about that. Let’s talk about another issue: bluetooth hands-free headsets. I’m not going to explain what these are… again, if you don’t know what they are by now, you should probably crack the door open and go outside sometime. Direct sunlight might actually do you some good.
Anyway, I am sure you have seen many people with their little headsets attached firmly to one ear, talking “to themselves” like mental-hospital patients, little blue light flashing like they just got assimilated by the Borg.
Now that this California law is in place, that means that EVERYONE is required BY LAW to get a hands-free headset. Now we all know that continually putting on and taking off the headset can be a pain in the ass, so we can safely assume that most people, on their random trips to the mall, shopping center, restaurant, etc., will NOT take them off for that short time.
Have you ever been to a restaurant, and some jackass/slut/business professional one or two tables away is “talking to him or herself”? Ever felt like just walking over and slapping that headset off his or her fat fucking face?
Keanu Reeves is my hero. Between Neo and Johnny Mnemonic, Keanu is the ONLY one who can wear this ridiculous cyborg-gear and get away with it. I mean it… He is just too cool for school.
What the…?
Bitch, I will slap that thing down your fucking throat! Who the HELL do you think you are???
So just imagine it… because of this law, shopping centers and other public spaces will be full of flashing, beeping people talking to themselves, and probably annoying the hell out of each other. I bet some people will bump into each other. Maybe a few fights break out, and someone gets their headset rammed so far up their ass, they can initiate phone calls just by farting.
This new law might actually do more harm than good in the long run. I’m just sayin’.
Now excuse me while I go charge my Motorola HT860 “Princess Leia” bluetooth headset, for the 3rd time today.
California bans driving while holding a cell phone
July 2, 2008A few days ago California became the fourth state to ban motorists from holding cell phones while driving.
This is probably old news by now, so I won’t go into details. Seriously, if you haven’t heard about this new LAW, that means that you need to stop watching trash fucking TV and listen to the news once in a while.
This law got me thinking… talking on the cell and driving has been a staple of our go-go culture for a long time. Judging from the growing number of fat-ass Americans still waddling around despite all the verified health dangers of obesity, human habits are hard to change. So, what will be some of the social repercussions of this law?
First of all, I bet many motorists will need something to do with their hands when driving (besides the obvious texting). If you are one of those motorists that feels that you just HAVE to do something with one hand while driving (instead of, y’know, keeping your hands ON THE FUCKING WHEEL), here are some suggestions for you:
I am sure you can think of other uses for your hands, you A.D.D.-having retard
Ok enough about that. Let’s talk about another issue: bluetooth hands-free headsets. I’m not going to explain what these are… again, if you don’t know what they are by now, you should probably crack the door open and go outside sometime. Direct sunlight might actually do you some good.
Anyway, I am sure you have seen many people with their little headsets attached firmly to one ear, talking “to themselves” like mental-hospital patients, little blue light flashing like they just got assimilated by the Borg.
Now that this California law is in place, that means that EVERYONE is required BY LAW to get a hands-free headset. Now we all know that continually putting on and taking off the headset can be a pain in the ass, so we can safely assume that most people, on their random trips to the mall, shopping center, restaurant, etc., will NOT take them off for that short time.
Have you ever been to a restaurant, and some jackass/slut/business professional one or two tables away is “talking to him or herself”? Ever felt like just walking over and slapping that headset off his or her fat fucking face?
Bitch, I will slap that thing down your fucking throat! Who the HELL do you think you are???
So just imagine it… because of this law, shopping centers and other public spaces will be full of flashing, beeping people talking to themselves, and probably annoying the hell out of each other. I bet some people will bump into each other. Maybe a few fights break out, and someone gets their headset rammed so far up their ass, they can initiate phone calls just by farting.
This new law might actually do more harm than good in the long run. I’m just sayin’.
Now excuse me while I go charge my Motorola HT860 “Princess Leia” bluetooth headset, for the 3rd time today.