“Fuck Off, Natasha. Eat Shit and Die”

I reached out to you when you first started working at [redacted]. You acted like your shit doesn’t stink, but I figured it was that Angry New Yorker “in yo’ face” attitude.

 

We went out to lunch, and you scolded me loudly in PUBLIC, because I didn’t tip enough.

Foolish me, I chalked it up to that Angry New Yorker attitude. The masochist in me wanted to see through that and see the real you. A potential buddy, who can teach me something new or interesting. Plus you’re lesbian! Just like my old BFF Michelle! So, y’know, YAY for diversity!

 

After consistently expecting me to pay for outings and drinks, you labeled me as CHEAP (I remember your exact words: “not generous”), just because I don’t enjoy being used by someone I’m still getting to know, ESPECIALLY if we’re NOT dating or intimate! You were calling me names because I’m not a flamboyant extravagant irresponsible douche, and I expect Fair Play and Reciprocity from a FRIEND! When did being fiscally responsible become a fucking demerit??? See, that’s why black people in this country are poor and STAY poor.

 

By the way, I noticed you NEVER did treat me to dessert, like you’d promised. Several times.

Yeah, look in the mirror.

 

Anyway… yet, like a good buddy I am, I invited you into my home for dinner, and you still found a way to be totally obnoxious, questioning me about what I’m serving you. IN MY OWN F***ing KITCHEN, Natasha.

“Holy Rudeness, Batman!”.

Seriously, what were you in a past life, a barbarian?

Of course, this was just before buttering me up with how you think I’m “really cool” and we’ll be “good friends”. Of course I believed you, because I’m naive like that. Then, like an idiot, I confided in you re: a few personal matters. Little did I know that that big nigger mouth of yours wasn’t only good for munching rugs.

 

Then, after that awful, tasteless “dinner” (which I basically paid for, goddammit!) at your completely unnecessary and pretentious Deluxe Apartment In The Sky, you cut off contact with me without rhyme or reason.

 

Then I heard you were talking about me behind my back.

 

I shoulda seen that coming.

 

You’re quick to talk about other people, quicker than a crack fiend being shaken down by the local five-oh. I should have known you’ll talk about me. Well, now I know. It’s my fault for thinking better of you. You use the word “friend” so casually, it holds no gravitas for you, because you do NOT know how to be one. You CAN’T be anyone’s friend. You’re not emotionally mature or stable, and you might never be. You’re too focused on money, superficialities, appearances, and material things. And you looooove attention. Of any kind, male or female. For all your high-minded talk about how black people should be more unified and be good to each other, you’re the WORST offender. You’re a complete phony, a disgrace to the Negro race. A race that I’m unfortunately forced to SHARE with you and your ilk.

 

You’re a sad, EMPTY shell of a human being.

 

Wait… No no, no… I’m sorry, I misspoke… Human? No. I don’t believe you HAVE a human mother OR father, because you were CLEARLY raised by WOLVES.

 

In conclusion, Natasha, please eat shit and die.

 

Sincerely,

A down-to-earth person who’s NOT an Angry Lesbian New Yorker.

 

PS: Do NOT bother call, text, or email me… you’re blocked. I won’t read any emails/texts, or listen to any VMs from you.

 

PPS: Your dog smells like, real bad. Like a cute little furry bucket of sewage. I mean, seriously, BATHE your fucking DOG.

“Thank You, Sharon!”

…For reminding me that there are NO decent AA women under 300lbs.

Really, Sharon? REALLY? You call me in the morning, NOT to thank me for coming out of my precariously depressed shell and hanging out, but to COMPLAIN about how you FELT I was acting? And to give me the “I’m not getting what *I* want from you right now so I wish you well now kindly fuck off” speech? REALLY, Sharon? REALLY???

 

Let me tell you something based on over 2 decades of experience (some of which I’ve already shared with you in fucking DOCUMENT format) and random anecdotes from other people. See, as a collective, you and your AA “sisters” are all hyper-individualistic, and SELFISH. So selfish that if you can’t have a “friend” on YOUR terms, RIGHT NOW, WITHOUT PATIENCE OR COMPROMISE, then you just toss the person aside like yesterday’s garbage. For example: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN INVITE ME OUT YESTERDAY?? WHY???

 

Oh, and regarding the whole “Oh I’m so single because I don’t meet decent black men or I have bad luck…”… nigger PLEASE. Cry me a fucking river. You (individually AND as a COLLECTIVE) continue to make HORRIBLE dating/mating choices, and you wonder why you’re still single at 44, or (in the case of your many “sisters”) single moms. You emotionally stupid block-headed BITCHES never learn anything, are too STUBBORN to admit when you’re wrong, and too “loud and proud” to COMPROMISE and land a decent, good-hearted man before you turn 50 and/or gain 120lbs of fat! Again, as a COLLECTIVE, YOU bitches are the cause of your OWN misery. When will y’all TAKE RESPONSIBILITY?

 

But to the latter point, do I really give a shit anymore? I was just pointing out how utterly ridiculous you people are. Despite my inner misgivings, I thought YOU might be different, but you definitely proved my inner Hopeful wrong, and proved my inner Cynic 100% right! Your kind truly is a blightupon this fucking planet.

 

Incidentally, the above are all rhetorical fucking questions, so keep the answers to yourself. You’ll be happy to know that your email is fucking blocked, so that’s one less “immature” and imperfect dude to think about. So please go away, Sharon, and while you’re at it, fucking THINK critically about what just happened here.

 

Goodbye (and frankly, good fucking riddance).