The hedge fund cheat who faked his death before going on the lam told a Manhattan judge Thursday that he tried to kill himself with a drug overdose before he surrendered in Massachusetts. The unsympathetic judge replied that Samuel Israel III, who scammed nearly half a billion dollars from investors, must forfeit his $500,000 bail.
Dude here’s a hint: most of the time, drug overdoses do NOT WORK. Believe me, I’ve tried.
Admit it… this was just a pathetic cry for help, because you can’t imagine a life without all your ill-gotten gains and extensive material wealth. Money made on the backs of honest, hardworking taxpayers, many of whom are right now losing their homes over your illegal bullshit.
If you really wanted to go out like a REAL man, you would do this:
- Get as much cash as you can, in hand
- Go buy a small gun and matching ammo
- Walk into a poor underfunded public school and donate the rest of the money to them
- Drive to a park
- Blow your brains out
Alternately, instead of using a gun, you could swallow a whole bottle of sleeping pills, then immediately slash your wrists with a very sharp razor so that you bleed to death (that way you fall asleep and never wake up).
Alas, now you’ll never get that chance because you’ve surrendered to the authorities like a li’l BITCH. Now you will go into some prison and be anally violated by someone on a nightly basis. It would be ironic though, because you’ve raped MANY hardworking people with your white-collar financial antics.
The judge had no sympathy, and neither do I.