Here’s a scenario very likely to happen at a small business this summer: The owner arrives in the morning, and is greeted not only by the company’s receptionist, but her exposed navel. And maybe her nose ring too. Employees showing up for work in tank tops or flip-flops may inspire the boss to write an office dress code. In the summer heat, many employees, particularly those in their first jobs, may show up for work in rather skimpy attire that a small business owner feels is unsuitable for the workplace. The solution is to create a dress code — something that every business has the right to do. Tory Johnson dealt with the issue just a few weeks ago. Three interns, ages 19 to 21, showed up at Johnson’s Manhattan recruitment services firm with tank tops, exposed bra straps and flip-flops.
If I were to start a new company, I’d set the dress code up so that it was OK for bra straps, thong straps, and cleavage to show. It would also be OK for chest hair and bulging erections to show. My company would be fair and totally balanced like that.
My company’s purpose would be the development of a new airborne drug that isolates and neutralizes those hormones in the human body which respond to exposed skin, exposed underwear, side-boobs, and bulging erections. There would be no other side effect except for the fact that parents would STOP giving a damn about thigh-high miniskirts, bulging erections, and visible bra straps.
You know why? Because we’d be too busy thinking about more important things like healthcare, insurance, sky-high oil prices, ENDING GEORGE BUSH’S WAR, and PULLING THE FUCK OUT OF IRAQ.
God, I hate humanity.
Yes, bulging erections and cameltoe… these would be BOTH equally acceptable at my company, so we could take pictures and get on with our lives. Because apparently we as a society can be so easily distracted by bulding erections and cameltoe. Grow up, people.