I guess I’m still not “thick-skinned” enough to brush off what you just did and “move on to the next woman”. I let down my guard for you (foolish me) and I got hurt in a way that I’ve not felt in over 8 years. I’m going to share a few things, maybe you’ll learn something.
I’m not buying your statement about how you decided to give The Other Guy first crack at a relationship, JUST because of how you met him. Whether you meet someone “the traditional way” (which is WHAT exactly? Grocery store? Football game? Random Boyfriend Rain from Heaven?) or online, it’s all a gamble, and I believe you’re intelligent enough to know this. In fact, eHarmony tries to help filter out the obvious incompatibilities and increase your odds a little, but at the end of the day, you might as well be in Las Vegas.
No, just say it like it is: “He’s tall, and you’re not”. We’re both middle-class, hardworking, health-oriented, educated black people, we have SO much in common, and it looked like we had so much chemistry, but apparently nothing matters, because I am 5’8″ not 5’11”. Technically I could be The Second Coming of Christ, and you’d STILL go out with the taller guy, even if there’s statistically a MUCH higher chance of him being a mediocre or unfaithful boyfriend (remember, 90% of younger, possibly better-looking women around here are chasing THE SAME MAN). But I am sure my words will fall on deaf ears… That’s just how you black women are wired: go with the tall guy (extra points if he’s a little thuggish), even if there’s no guarantee that he’ll be any better than the SLIGHTLY shorter, more empathic, compatible, and “relationship-ready” guy.
Am I just talking out my ass? Well, look at your past: you’ve had several chances to get it right, have you not? And did you not meet BOTH your exes – and possibly other bad boyfriends – in the “traditional” way? “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” Something to think about. Definitely something you will remember when THIS new guy breaks up with you or is unfaithful. Have fun with that.
So if you had such “skepticism” about meeting someone online, then WHY, in all that is holy, DID YOU SIGN UP FOR IT??? For CRYING OUT LOUD, man!!! Subscribers on there are putting down good money and investing the time and effort to try a non-traditional route to meet someone that might be a good match for them. Why would an apparently hardcore skeptic like YOU jam yourself in there and clutter up the place, wasting peoples’ time and money? Case in point: I literally changed my weekend plans, so I could hang out and get to know you better… under the [valid] assumption that you were interested in reciprocating (very few women actually PROACTIVELY ask me to come out and do something with them). You let me believe that I didn’t need to “play games” with you, that you were done with all that immature BS.
Then at the last moment… Sunday morning, literally THE LAST MINUTE… you basically kicked me in the balls, punched me in the face, clotheslined me, gave me the double-middle finger, and bailed out like I was a burning fighter jet in WW2.
(Name deleted), that’s the ultimate misrepresentation… you’re not ready to date on eHarmony.com, yet you sign up, pay money (I assume), and lead people on. That’s extremely inconsiderate of you, don’t you think? You should be surprised that I’m not more upset about this.
This is “Grown-Up Dating Etiquette 101”, but I guess you needed a refresher. When you’re not sure if you’re committing to getting to know ONE guy, do NOT let him foot the entire bill for a date. Either chip in your half (or third), or opt to meet for coffee & conversation ONLY. Remember the Nigerian guy who just wanted to meet you for coffee & chat? That’s the way to do it UNTIL you’re sure you want to commit to dating and knowing THAT guy.What YOU did, is called Meal-digging (yes, it’s an actual term, look it up). And no, it’s not about the money (don’t be silly, I know you drive a Mercedes), it’s about your Self-Respect (or lack thereof). In 2010, Real Ladies in pay their way (at least at first).
And get this: the next day you couldn’t even GIFT me $10 to get fruits (you drive a friggin’ Mercedes, right?) … that right there gave me pause, but I naively brushed it off. However, having retro-analyzed our conversations and finally seen the Big[ger] Picture, it is clear to me that you have a rather selfish streak and probably a strong feeling of Entitlement. I dare say your exes probably were not completely at fault for dumping you.
You know, even though I was dissed and hurt on Sunday, I know rare to find an educated, non-obese single black woman around here… so yesterday I WAS going to swallow my pride and offer you my hand as a Pen Pal (we could learn a lot from each other), but I’m SOOOO glad I took one more day to think things through! See, you’re obviously not “different enough” from other black women… you can take the person out of the ghetto, but you can’t…. well, you know the rest.
FYI, please don’t bother contacting me, your messages will be summarily ignored, and your emails deleted with extreme prejudice.
Have a nice life.